


Manu Gets Instagram

by orphan_account



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Bayern munich, FC Bayern, Instagram, Manu - Freeform, bored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 17:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3618288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Manuel Neuer just joined Instagram! He asks his teammates for help on how to use it and ends up with some very unhelpful suggestions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Manu Gets Instagram

“Hey Mario can you teach me about instagram you seem to be pretty good at it”  
Mario looks over his shoulder from texting Ann  
“Eh make Jerome teach you. I think his style of photos suits you better”  
“You’re only saying that because you think you’re so cool and all with your weird hashtags what does #PartofGoetze even mean”  
“Go away Manu just continue taking selfies”

-

Manu walks to the bathroom to find Jerome doing his hair. David’s helping him apply hair gel while Jerome ties his laces but David's too short and can’t reach the top of his head. This makes his spike of hair look like a lopsided mountain, or like Juan Bernat when he tries to head a ball. Manu always felt assured when he saw Jerome that he wasn’t the only freakishly tall one.

“Hey Jerome and David can you teach me about instagram?”  
Jerome laughs.  
“The most important thing is that you need someone to ship you with. Like how everyone ships me and Rafinha, or David and Franck”  
“Huh what’s a ship? Do people find ships appealing?”  
“People ship Franck and Arjen, Jerome not me and him okay”, David grumbles  
“Can you like bend down more how does Rafinha do this isn’t he just as short as me”  
“There’s a reason why I don’t make Mario do this” Jerome mutters “If you complain so much make Manu do it he’s like double your height”  
David rolls his eyes at Manu who is just really confused  
“Wait, so they like seeing a friendship between two footballers?” he asks “But I feel bad if I leave any of you out”  
“You could be with Thomas except he’s practically with Philipp or Basti or even Pepe playing golf”  
“Why don’t you be with Arjen? Both of you seemed to have a good time when you went for the Ballon D’Or Ceremony”  
“Arjen’s nice, but he’s too normal. I mean he eats Dutch egg for breakfast that’s gross. And he doesn’t make any jokes at all”  
“Manu’s just jealous that all the nutella loving people went to Real and he didn’t” David jokes  
“You guys aren’t of any help. Let me go ask Basti, he should be quite experienced right?”  
Jerome and David burst out laughing while Manu leaves the room nonchalantly

-

“Basti? Do you know instagram?”  
Basti’s napping on the couch with the TV on. He’s watching Bavarian Beer Brewing which Manu never understood, being from Ruhr. “Ey, Manu I need to talk to you” A voice fro behind calls. Manu turns around. It’s a little midget- oh-it’s just Philipp. “Basti, wake up, mr Vice Capitan!!” Phillipp yells and Basti stirs.  
“Anyway Manu, I’m in no position to talk about this as I’m not the coach, but have you seen these videos?”  
“Which—“  
“At Hannover, you slipped up a little when trying to defend— we almost conceded.”  
“But we didn’t”  
“I know, but this isn’t the first time. The critics have all been saying how your sweeper keeper thing is going a bit too far.”  
“But it’s only—“  
“Manu, is this because of your obsession with Superman?” Basti pipped  
“Wait, what?”  
“Manu, just tell us the truth. We’ve seen your boxers”  
‘HOW HAVE YOU SEEN THEM I KEEP THEM IN A SECRET COMPARTMENT IN MY ROO—  
Shit it’s Thomas. Damn Thomas I thought it was fair to tell him a secret since he told me all his weird shit like the time he accidentally”

“ Did anyone call me?????? I’ve got a surprise you guys!!!”  
“Thanks a lot Manu” joked Phillipp “He won’t shut up about how he beat me by 8 strokes on Tuesday”  
“GUYS MANU BASTI PHILLIPP LET’S TAKE A SELFIE”  
“Thomas no”  
Thomas whips out iPhone 4  
“Which button do I press?”  
“Thomas you need to flip the camera"  
“Thomas you’re holding the phone the wrong way”  
“Thomas Basti is cropped out”  
“Thomas you’re holding it crooked”  
“THOMAS”  
“Pls guys only I know how to take selfies” -Mario  
“Oi never take with us wait Thomas”  
“No Thomas don’t wait”  
“Thomas stop pressing the button I don’t think your phone has that much memory”  
“Thomas use the volume buttons don’t press the middle one I can see your arm in the photo”  
“Ey guys why you take photo without me”  
“NO THOMAS IT DOESNT NEED TO BE SEPIA"  
.  
.  
.

"… Thomas the photo is blur”  
“I’m not taking it again"  
“WAIT I’ll email it to you guys first”  
“How many times do I need to tell you that WE HAVE A WHATSAPP GROUP THOMAS”  
“But like I don’t know how to use it”  
“Even Manu has whatsapp Thomas”  
“What’s that supposed to mean Thomas deleted his instagram”  
“Basti doesn’t have whatsapp!!!”  
“THATS WHY HE FOLLOWS 3 PEOPLE ON INSTAGRAM AND THE ONLY REAL PERSON THERE IS HOLGER”  
“if you guys want me to follow you I can—“  
“NOT NOW BASTI"


End file.
